Gratified

It's been exactly a week ago when I thought it could be the end of me (literally and physically).  

I was by the way 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  There were no bleeding and pain during the past weeks while we were still waiting for my follow up ultrasound (supposedly today).  So we thought everything's normal.

But the pain I felt that Saturday afternoon was indescribable.  I've been a master of pain myself but that was just way beyond my means of tolerance.  Little did I know the little beanie inside me has grown... Yes my little angel's alive but not on the right place again... Yes it's another ectopic for me this year.  And the pain that I'm feeling is because of my right tube rupturing and drowning my insides with blood.  So that's the reason I'm losing in and out of consciousness.  

My doctor has to perform an emergency operation since I'm already losing a lot blood.  After a couple of hours or more on surgery my right tube was gone and so as my little beanie.  I may have felt the pain physically but my soul is so gratified.  

I'm thankful I'm ALIVE. 

I'm thankful because again I felt how it was to be pregnant even for sometime.  

I'm thankful that I'm lucky to have a husband who understands and cares for me so well.  Who remains to be strong when I know he's already weakened of the thought that we've lost another child again. 

I know this too shall pass.

There is HOPE. 

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