Hello everyone. It's been a while...
I didn't know how to start everything. I thought I'd be able to post something good for everyone. But, I guess things wouldn't always turn out the way we want it to be. And yes. We failed our IVF.
It seems like an eternity of pain, questions and uncertainty when Dr. M told us that it's negative. Like all his words fall into a limbo like I don't know what has happened and what I've gone through. It's like an abyss - where no words to describe what I've been feeling that time.
I mustered all my courage to fight back the tears that's already welling at the edge of my eyes. Everything became unbearable that I broke down when we reach the car. I don't know where to start anymore.
I'm human and pain wouldn't just go away. It's been days before I've learned how to deal with the pain of losing to this battle once more. I'm taking this one step at a time trying to understand what I did wrong and what should I do next. I'm moving on.
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I didn't know how to start everything. I thought I'd be able to post something good for everyone. But, I guess things wouldn't always turn out the way we want it to be. And yes. We failed our IVF.
It seems like an eternity of pain, questions and uncertainty when Dr. M told us that it's negative. Like all his words fall into a limbo like I don't know what has happened and what I've gone through. It's like an abyss - where no words to describe what I've been feeling that time.
I mustered all my courage to fight back the tears that's already welling at the edge of my eyes. Everything became unbearable that I broke down when we reach the car. I don't know where to start anymore. I'm human and pain wouldn't just go away. It's been days before I've learned how to deal with the pain of losing to this battle once more. I'm taking this one step at a time trying to understand what I did wrong and what should I do next. I'm moving on.
Just a short anecdote. Recently, I went out with one of my few good friends. She didn't know what we has gone through. But when I told her everything she was lost for words. Told me that she admires how I handled the situation and glad that I still have my sanity after all. Like her I also didn't know what to say.
I also want to share with everyone my little angel, Lucas.
My dear child. I cried when I knew you fought and when I knew you were gone. I know God has a reason that He didn't gave you to us. Maybe God wants you to be with Him and He will give us back another angel when it is time. Please whisper to God our prayers. Goodbye my little one until we meet again.
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